The cruel heart with Honest intentions

You made me realize why I never opened my heart before you
But my love was a feeling, never a decision.
That is why is was so magical.
This is why it was so tragic cause we never said goodbye.

Melting away like Spring snow
Drifting away like I meant nothing at all
Give me skinned knees, give me disease
Broken hearts just wont heal

I should have known the silver tongue, always disguised as the devil
But I also made that love deposit and never got the withdrawal in return
That is why you're fucked up
That is why we didn't work out cause you never said goodnight

Melting like Spring snow
Drifting away like autumn leaves
Give me skinned knees, give me disease
Broken hearts just don't heal

As soon as forever is through, that's when I'll be over you
As soon as forever is through, that's when I'll be over you
As soon as forever is through, I hope I am over you

Give me skinned knees, give me disease
Because broken hearts just wont heal.

My heart had room for two

Never thought I would feel like this
You said goodbye through those silent eyes
I was stupid, you played me real good
With the hope of a love note

I'll never find.
I'll never find.

You re-confirmed my belief, I can't believe in love
Cause you said goodbye through those silent eyes
I was crazy, I was crazy, I am crazy for you
Still believing there is hope for a love note

I'll never find.
I'll never find.

I'll never find that love I longed for in the summer
I'll always have to wonder what might have been
I'll never have my heart to give it to another
Because you stole it. I'll never find it.

Never thought I would feel like this again
A hideous monster that can't change what she is
But I was made to know, I was made to know
I was made to know and love you.

But I can't trust you
I can't trust you

I'll never find that love I longed for in the summer
I'll always have to wonder what might have been

I'll never have my heart to give it to another
Because you stole it. I'll never find it.

And I am sorry.
But obviously,
you still want a part of me
Or else you would have thrown away my heart
You would have thrown away my heart
And I am sorry
I wasn't enough
But I thought that I was
Because my heart had room for two.

I should have never trusted you.
I should have never trusted you.
I should have never trusted you.

In this empty space, I'm the empty place

You're in this empty place
Caught in between the bed sheets and reality
Giving me too much space
Putting me through insanity

So what? The sun shook once
But you dimmed the lights
'Cause you're scared of fate
So, once again the sun shines brighter
You let the whole damn world escape
Our hearts.

I can find you in everything
I can find you in everything
Our flame is dying, heat me up.
Let it consume me, feed it now.
I can find you in everything
I can find you in everything
But it's only your soul
Your face is fading away

Speak to me in the light of the day
Run towards me, don't walk away.
You're the only part of this place that isn't shit.
Let's conquer the world before you walk away.
We'll fuck the world before we call it quits.

Are you ashamed of the youth upon my face?
Afraid the falling out will hold less grace?
My head is heavy with all the thoughts you selfishly put in my mind
My eyes are tired for all the late nights I stayed up, time after time.

I can find you in everything
I can find you in everything
Our flame is dying, heat me up.
Let it consume me, feed it now.
I can find you in everything
I can find you in everything
But it's only your soul
Your face is fading away

I try to color in the lines
But there was no foundation to begin with
I try to rewrite the beginning of our time
But there was no foundation to begin with

I can find you in everything
I can find you in everything
Our flame is dying, heat me up.
Let it consume me, feed it now.
I can find you in everything
I can find you in everything
But it's only your soul
Your face is fading away
Your face is fading away
Your face is fading away

Freeman Frustration

He was new, sitting alone in the left center of the room. He had moved the chairs so he was sitting on the old stained carpet. My heart flutters a little as I walk over to the pale, thin boy who is only visible by the blush of his cheeks. "Joel Freeman, right?" I ask with total confidence. "That is me" he says.
     This monotone conversation had me frustrated. What was this boy thinking about me? What was he even thinking? His body language and eyes unknowing. He was the funnel of the tornado. Something had to be stirring inside his head. Will he say something disastrous; something I don't want to hear? Or will that funnel slowly disappear and just be a warning to never speak to him again.
     So I took a chance, and instead of running home and hiding in the basement, I drove straight, head on into the storm. "Have you ever heard of In the Heights?" Those were the magic words that broke the silence.

Needs

Arrow

Hand made
Destined to strike
   Neanderthals are salivating everyday
Hunger

SamWise

Home is behind
the world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Then world behind and home ahead
We'll wander back to home and bed
Mist and twilight
Cloud and shade
Away shall fade
Away shall fade
-Lord of the Rings

Samwise you're not a fool
you understood
that he could not stand alone
on his own
Samwise
the road is never ending
with weary feet
his paths my destiny

The world was young
we've never had that bread
On our tongues
No stain on the moon was seen
we drank from untasted wells
Unclean

we followed the path
we were meant to take
our enemy
became your friend
and I stayed here to emend

Samwise you're not a fool
you understood
that he could not stand alone
on his own
Samwise
the road is never ending
with weary feet
his paths my destiny

don’t go where I can't follow
I wont sleep alone under a willow tree and I can’t swim
teach me
And help me remember the taste of strawberries

And our fellowship can never end we’ll always have our little friends we saved the shire we saved ourselves I’m at the end of your book saying...

Samwise you're not a fool
you understood
that he could not stand alone
on his own
Samwise
the road is never ending
with weary feet
his paths my destiny



Samwise is the stronger character, truest character, and my favorite character.

Summer Love

And tonight we share the last hope.
Will this ever go away?
And tonight we share the laughter, of yesterday.
And is it cold out where you are?
Fireflies won't come to me.
September could never hold the heat.
I rested.

900 miles and I'm still not close to home.
A broken laugh and a new soul made of stone.
This false chisel drills my heart to missing.
I never was the one for wishing.

And now I'm tired of loving you baby.
It was my choice, it was my choice
And now I'm wrapped in glass and I'm soaked in wine
But I'll stay.
Pretend that I'm happy since it's a new day.

And now I'm wishing,
That you were wishing,
That I was wishing,
All summer long.

And now I'm wishing,
That you were wishing,
That I was wishing,
Our love away.

And now I'm tired of loving you baby.
It was my choice.
It was my choice.
Now I'm wrapped in glass
And I'm soaked in wine
But I'll stay.
Pretend that I'm happy since it's a new day.

Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the summer love.
Oh, I wish for summer love.
On a new day.

Season of Surrender

When the Summer heat has been blown away
Merely caught dead in the presents of your face
And you hold me like this actually could last
Forgetting all lies- we put them in our past
Because we
Go together like the rain
Goes with April storms
And we
Wash away each others pain
Like the sun will only shine for us
We have nothing to lose except out fragile hearts
But I know it's okay in the comfort of your arms
And you kiss me like this actually could last
Can time stand still? Our time comes and goes too fast
And we
Go together like the rain
Goes with April storms
And we
Wash away each others pain
Like the sun will only shine for us
And the sun will shake
At the light we make tonight
And the sun will shake
At the light we make tonight

The Vagina Poem

It's so unique and tainted all the same
It hides beneath the clothing that I own.
Sometimes it's wild and it can not be tamed.
Sometimes it's cold with that I can not show.
I want to break the comfort zone someday
And show non pleasing ugly parts of me
I blame it on it's you not me: cliche
And hide so you don't have to see me be
Uncomfortable and awkward with myself
Unleash the beast that hides under my clothes
Rewind the time with hidden things on shelves
Forward to time that comes to my repose
     And in the end the pink and leather room
      Will share beauty with all that it consumes


- Inspired by the play script of the Vagina Monologues

The way you look tonight, tomorrow, and hopefully the next time I meet you

     Love. People fall so easily, but do they even know what it means. I am not one to judge, you live your life, I live mine. I feel like it is not a special meaning anymore. Just simple words that one feels needs to be said to feel closer to an infatuation. Love gives you all the reasons in the world to give up values and I know, because my values I thought I had are all washed away somewhere between drugs and the fantasies I wish to make true.
Chemicals in my brain.
     I find it so weird that our brain lets off an infatuation chemical, that can take a minimum of 24 months to wear off. I guess it is true, it happens in my friendships. I can be best friends with someone for two years and then realize I never truly loved them. It is tragic, but it happens. I would never trade the times I had with my old friends for anything, but it is weird to think that I thought I knew what love was.
Broken values.
     I honestly have made myself believe I never had values. It was easier then coping with the fact that somewhere in my life I took a different path and picked all the poisonous flowers. But then I remember, the poisonous ones are usually the prettiest. So, that is how I get my mind out of that dilemma.

Messed up by the Song

And sometimes we are different
And sometimes we are free
And sometimes we get bitter
And perform the obscene

And there is no perfect way
To be happy today
But to open shut eyes
And by eyes I mean minds.

And it's okay you're that way
But don't broadcast it today. (x2)

And it's likely we're wrong
And it's likely we're fucked
And messed up, and screwed up, and worked up by this song.
And it is highly untrue
'bout the works of the streets
But you exclude yourself, so yourself you have beat.

And it's okay you're that way
But don't broadcast it today (x2)

'Cause you exclude yourself!
'Cause you exclude yourself, so yourself you have beat.
Don't blame it on me, it's your fault you cant see.

And it's likely we're wrong
And it's likely we're fucked
And messed up, and screwed up, and worked up by this song.
And it is highly untrue
'bout the works of the streets
But you exclude yourself, so yourself you have beat.

Addiction

The emptiness in my heart and the sadness in my head, feeling so pulled apart and inside I feel so dead. No one understands the pain of everyday Trying to hold my head up, when all I want is to fade way.

So you are the new song I’ll be singing with your painted heart I want to be receiving and I wont back down from you now, 'cause you brought hope right in front of me. How can you build what I feel Straight over night with you blue eyes and your smile and my exaggerated mind and I hope, you’ll want to be my new song and I hope, you’ll want to sing along.

Your beauty drew me to you and the inside didn’t count. But I long to hold your healing hand that only you give out when our skin against skin will make me hold my breath and then my starvation for love will put my mind at rest.

So you are the new song I'll be singing. With your painted heart I want to be receiving. And I wont back down from you now, 'cause you brought hope right in front of me. How can you feel what I feel, straight over night with your blue eyes and that smile, and my exaggerated mind. I hope, you'll want to be my new song. And I hope, you'll want to sing along.

And if addictions make us feel better then let’s do it all the time, let’s do it all the time. And you are my addiction and you make me feel better all the time.

La la la...

The Apple and the Seed

With sweet and passion lust, that's all for me
It started out an innocent affair
And now you say you want to set me free
With all your lust just hanging in the air
You knew my innocence was just a game
And so you took advance of what could be
My innocence is now my walk of shame
'Cause difference adjusted self esteem
And if you want me just between the sheets
You weren't the man I thought you were at all
And more then apples always grow from trees
Their fruits are never spoiled by the fall
     The apple seed was just a talk of style
     I'm sorry I could not be your worth while

Adultery in Blind Love Form

The world was still 'till you came walking in
An unknown rush of blood came through my head
Not knowing that my conscience became thinned
A hint of fate blocked through my soul instead.
I some how craved to know you even more
'Cause in your fate I saw you lie in bed
With someone just like me, 'cept I am poor
Of age and reason that will go unsaid.

I'll be your greatest secret kept in code
And wont do harm to those that I want to
I'll start my walk on down the lonely road
All though it breaks my path that leads to you.

     Decisions are the hardest thing to kill
     I'll be shut down until the world stands still.

This is what I think I know

http://www.youtube.com/v/yh5WSAG9qN0?fs=1&hl=en_US%22%3E%3C/param%3E%3Cparam

This is my routine I made for Troopers Auditions. But, I got offered a teaching job that was hard to refuse. I took that instead but I am still proud of my work I did here.

I am building a religion

There's no regret in any shattered thing
You're sad with all the hollow threats you make
And with your lights the shadowed dim you bring
You fooled the world to make them think you'd take

The humble vows you swore to all along
Were all just lies and foolish tests of hate
And you insist the world is always wrong
'Cause you're the only one with a clean slate.

But when your world crumbles and all falls down
You'll be the only one who stands there still
And everything you wanted now is found
To have but still your heart is not fulfilled.

             And so you crawl in all the rubble bare
             With all you flaws and demons standing there

When the snow falls

I must die tomorrow,
So my sins heavy on my heart
Wont lead me to deceit
I once killed, I once killed.

Dust is...left, and I can barely see all of the
footprints...left beneath this pavement, so unseen.
And I try... to complicate the way things were so I,
can't sleep, so I can't sleep.

And now, my heart was left for black tar that will cover up the streets
My soul a tale for every car that finds a way to need a wake up call.
This will all end, oh this will all end,
When the snow falls.

Bare feet...try to compare and contrast their life
to me... with whispers from this pavement so
unseen...is the fate of every streetlight in my way.
Just get out of my way.

And now, my heart was left for black tar that will cover up the streets
My soul a tale for every car that finds a way to need a wake up call.
This will all end...
When the snow falls.

So fall and cover my deceit,
So fall and gently we can cover my deceit.
So fall, and purify my heart.
So fall, this pavement is where it starts!

And so, my heart was left for black tar that will cover up the streets
My soul a tale for every car that finds a way to need a wake up call
But now I am covered by the snow fall, I am covered by the snow fall.

You will die tomorrow
So your sins, heavy on your heart
Wont lead you to deceit.
We all kill, we all kill.

Translating Reality

Tealana Hedgespeth
Translating Reality



Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last, you create what you will.
                       -Albert Einstein


Characters
Dr. Van Buren
Mrs. Kari Sommers

The action of this play is set in New Jersey’s North side sometime between September 11,2001 and the present.

Act I
Scene I: Monday Morning.
Scene II: Later that night.
Scene III: Three days later, the funeral.
Act II
Scene I: A couple years past.
Scene II: A few months later.
Scene III: A few days later.
Scene IV: A couple days later, funeral.


Act II Scene II

     (Dr. Van Burens office is comfortable with a chair stage left that remains abandoned when he is in the presents of Mrs. Kari Sommers. His chair is center, where he has a table with his four daughters pictures.)


    (There is no place to enter or exit stage left, it is just a wall. The walk in door is stage right. There is no ceiling,
except the one above the audiences head so you feel as if you are in the room with the characters.)
    (Mrs. Kari Sommers enters the room stage right calmly and walks to stage left.)
Dr. Van Buren: Good afternoon, Kari.

Kari: Good afternoon, Dr. Van Buren.
Dr. Van Buren: How are you doing today?
Kari: I am fine, (Long Pause) aren’t you going to ask how my husband is doing?

Dr. Van Buren: I will not do that today, Kari.
Kari: Well, that is highly rude of you Dr.-
Dr. Van Buren: Kari, is Mr. Sommers here with you now?
Kari: Yes! Cant you see him?!
Dr. Van Buren: Kari, why don’t you have a seat?(Motions toward the seat.)
Kari: You know I can’t sit down!

Dr. Van Buren: No, I do not know. Tell me why you can not sit down.
Kari: I will not leave my husband standing! Perhaps if you had a love seat, we could both sit, but as a proper lady I wont sit on his lap in your office, that would be inappropriate. And of course there is no way he is sitting on my lap.(Pause, and then looks to her left and starts talking to her husband.)Don’t laugh at me!

Dr: Van Buren: I did not laugh.
Kari: Not you! My husband!
Dr. Van Buren: Mr Sommers is not here with us today Kari.
Kari: How can you not see?!
Dr. Van Buren: I thought you were doing better, making progress. (Stands up and stands behind Kari. He puts his hand on her shoulder.) Listen, think back a couple weeks, you were starting to admit the fact, the fact that your husband is not here anymore. Don’t you remember?
Kari: I remember Ron telling me he was on vacation. Well, not vacation, a business trip. And urgent business trip. He was in such a hurry, he didn’t even kiss of hug me goodbye. The worst part was, he didn’t tell me he loved me before he left. Was just in such a rush, he left. Oh, you know Ron! All work, so he could support the family. But of course I forgave him now that he is back from the trip.
Dr. Van Buren: Kari, he is not back from the trip, he never came back.
Kari: Then why is he here?! Here with me now!
Dr. Van Buren: Do not get upset; Kari, do you realize that is the last actual conversation you had with your husband before the car crash?
Kari: What car crash?
Dr. Van Buren: The crash where your husband was talking on the phone to his business partners about his business plans. He ran a red light. The medics did everything they could, it just wasn’t enough. They couldn’t save him.(Kari is softly sobbing in the background.) I am so sorry. But you will feel better if you accept that. Go to his grave, talk to his parents. They probably miss you, feeling like they lost a son and a daughter.
Kari: Don’t talk to me that way! He is right here! How can’t you fucking see?! He is NOT dead, he can’t be dead. (Falls to the ground sobbing) He says he’ll save me! He says he loves me!
Dr. Van Buren: Stand up Kari, let us do some breathing exercise techniques to calm down, everything will be all right.(Kari pulls a gun out of her purse; she points it at Dr. Van Buren.) Why do you have a gun in your purse? (Says this calmly hoping to ease some tension)
Kari: I carry it for protection. For people like you that think I am crazy.
Dr. Van Buren: Kari, I am asking you nicely. Put down the gun, we can work through this, all is not lost.
Kari: You are the one that is saying everything is lost, you are saying everything is dead. Make up your goddamn mind!
Dr. Van Buren: I am only trying to help you embrace your actual reality, it isn’t healthy living in a fantasy day in and day out. Think back to the first thing you said to me, at the first meeting me had!
Kari: I remember.
Dr. Van Buren: Good, tell me what you said.
Kari: Hello, my name is Kari. I am here because my husband died.
Dr. Van Buren: Yes! You see?! He isn’t here. You don’t have to do this.(Kari puts the gun to her head)
Kari: You are right. He isn’t here. No one can save me. (Gun shot, and blackout.)

When a heart breaks, it doesn't break even

The heart will rise with expectations low

That fire inside could brighten up my life

I thought of you with all the distant snow

That cut right through my heart with that cold knife

My blood pumps through with little signs of hope

That night was one I wish I could regret

Reject is only one thing that I choke

About because you treat me like subjects

That fail and realize your heart is tied

To someone else, you know that it's not me

Despite the things inside that I have tried

My heart has strings that leads me to believe

You never wanted me that night at all

Now watch whose heart is gonna break the fall.